Hello, my name is Andy Horner, I have suffered with depression and anxiety for over 20 years.
I have realised that being open about my illness is a step forwards towards recovery, I have hidden my condition from people for many years so I will now share with you what I have been through and maybe if your suffering with depression you will not feel your on your own. Depression is very powerful more powerful than I could ever imagined, I have always seemed to cope with my depression but in 2013 depression and anxiety took over my life, having been on medication for so long I decided to see if I could cope without and have counseling, I weened off the depressant as advised by my doctor. As the weeks went by I deteriorated and became very low in mood, I thought this was the side affects of coming off the medication, I was wrong I was becoming chronicly depressed so much so that my movements slowed down and I had no interest in everyday life, I stayed in bed every day all day for about a week, I just wanted to close my eyes and not wake up, I was hiding under the covers to avoid daylight, I was getting horrible shooting sensations in my arms, which I now know was anxiety, My mum realised something was horribly wrong and I was booked an emergency appointment with my gp, I was then put on a antidepressant but this would take a minimum of 4 weeks to get in my system, I deteriorated further as the antidepressants were not working, the crisis team were then called, I was now suicidal and having thoughts of killing myself most times of the day, I was then admitted to hospital which was noisy and I felt very isolated I could not relate to anyone, I then discharged myself and went home and was back in the care of the crisis team. 5 months past by, at this point I wanted to be dead I visited graveyards on a weekly basis, It was peaceful and I felt at ease, this is where I could rest and I would not have to fight my negative thoughts anymore, I also drove to the moors where if I did decide to take my life I would have a nice view over the hills, it was like I was planning my own funeral. I eventually paid to see a private consultant who put me on another medication and had one to one counselling. I have good days and bad days but more good than bad, feel free to message me, I will not and do not judge people, I am here to listen and share with you what my coping strategies are.
Please do note I am not a doctor or a nurse, if you are feeling suicidal please seek urgent attention from your doctor!
I have realised that being open about my illness is a step forwards towards recovery, I have hidden my condition from people for many years so I will now share with you what I have been through and maybe if your suffering with depression you will not feel your on your own. Depression is very powerful more powerful than I could ever imagined, I have always seemed to cope with my depression but in 2013 depression and anxiety took over my life, having been on medication for so long I decided to see if I could cope without and have counseling, I weened off the depressant as advised by my doctor. As the weeks went by I deteriorated and became very low in mood, I thought this was the side affects of coming off the medication, I was wrong I was becoming chronicly depressed so much so that my movements slowed down and I had no interest in everyday life, I stayed in bed every day all day for about a week, I just wanted to close my eyes and not wake up, I was hiding under the covers to avoid daylight, I was getting horrible shooting sensations in my arms, which I now know was anxiety, My mum realised something was horribly wrong and I was booked an emergency appointment with my gp, I was then put on a antidepressant but this would take a minimum of 4 weeks to get in my system, I deteriorated further as the antidepressants were not working, the crisis team were then called, I was now suicidal and having thoughts of killing myself most times of the day, I was then admitted to hospital which was noisy and I felt very isolated I could not relate to anyone, I then discharged myself and went home and was back in the care of the crisis team. 5 months past by, at this point I wanted to be dead I visited graveyards on a weekly basis, It was peaceful and I felt at ease, this is where I could rest and I would not have to fight my negative thoughts anymore, I also drove to the moors where if I did decide to take my life I would have a nice view over the hills, it was like I was planning my own funeral. I eventually paid to see a private consultant who put me on another medication and had one to one counselling. I have good days and bad days but more good than bad, feel free to message me, I will not and do not judge people, I am here to listen and share with you what my coping strategies are.
Please do note I am not a doctor or a nurse, if you are feeling suicidal please seek urgent attention from your doctor!
