Coping with bereavement.
Bereavement affects people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel.
Stages of bereavement or grief Experts generally accept there are four stages of bereavement:
Feelings of griefGive yourself time – these feelings will pass. You might feel:
The GOV.UK website has information on what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.
Coping with griefTalking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don't go through this alone. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope.
If you don't feel you can talk to them much – perhaps you aren't close, or they're grieving, too – you can contact local bereavement services through:
A bereavement counsellor can give you time and space to talk about your feelings, including the person who has died, your relationship, family, work, fears and the future.
You can have access to a bereavement counsellor at any time, even if the person you lost died a long time ago.
Talking about the person who has diedDon't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. People in your life might not mention their name because they don't want to upset you. But if you feel you can't talk to them, it can make you feel isolated.
Anniversaries and special occasions can be hard. Sarah suggests doing whatever you need to do to get through the day. This might be taking a day off work or doing something that reminds you of that person, such as taking a favourite walk.
If you need help to move onEach bereavement is unique, and you can't tell how long it will last. "In general, the death and the person might not constantly be at the forefront of your mind after around 18 months," says Sarah. This period may be shorter or longer for some people, which is normal.
Your GP or a bereavement counsellor can help if you feel you're not coping. Some people also get support from a religious minister.
You might need help if:
Bereavement affects people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel.
Stages of bereavement or grief Experts generally accept there are four stages of bereavement:
- accepting that your loss is real
- experiencing the pain of grief
- adjusting to life without the person who has died
- putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new – in other words, moving on
Feelings of griefGive yourself time – these feelings will pass. You might feel:
- shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to the death, and people often speak of being in a daze
- overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
- tiredness or exhaustion
- anger – for example, towards the person who died, their illness, or God
- guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or didn't say, or about not being able to stop your loved one dying
The GOV.UK website has information on what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.
Coping with griefTalking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don't go through this alone. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope.
If you don't feel you can talk to them much – perhaps you aren't close, or they're grieving, too – you can contact local bereavement services through:
- your local hospice
- the national Cruse helpline on 0808 808 1677
- your GP
A bereavement counsellor can give you time and space to talk about your feelings, including the person who has died, your relationship, family, work, fears and the future.
You can have access to a bereavement counsellor at any time, even if the person you lost died a long time ago.
Talking about the person who has diedDon't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. People in your life might not mention their name because they don't want to upset you. But if you feel you can't talk to them, it can make you feel isolated.
Anniversaries and special occasions can be hard. Sarah suggests doing whatever you need to do to get through the day. This might be taking a day off work or doing something that reminds you of that person, such as taking a favourite walk.
If you need help to move onEach bereavement is unique, and you can't tell how long it will last. "In general, the death and the person might not constantly be at the forefront of your mind after around 18 months," says Sarah. This period may be shorter or longer for some people, which is normal.
Your GP or a bereavement counsellor can help if you feel you're not coping. Some people also get support from a religious minister.
You might need help if:
- you can't get out of bed
- you neglect yourself or your family – for example, you don't eat properly
- you feel you can't go on without the person you've lost
- the emotion is so intense it's affecting the rest of your life – for example, you can't face going to work or you're taking your anger out on someone else.
